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| Shin Dagaske Ne Wata Mace Tafi Wata Dadi A Jima’i? |
Wannan tambaya tana daga cikin tambayoyin da suka fi tayar da muhawara a tsakanin ma’aurata, musamman ma maza, amma har da mata. Wasu na ganin cewa akwai mace “mai dadi” fiye da wata, wasu kuma na kallon hakan a matsayin ra’ayi kawai. A mahangar ilimi, amsar ba ta tsaya a jiki ko halitta kawai ba, sai dai ta fi danganta da tunani, zuciya, mu’amala da fahimtar juna.
A zahiri, babu wata mace da aka halitta ba tare da damar bada jin dadi ba, kamar yadda babu namiji da ba shi da ikon jin dadi. Bambanci yana faruwa ne ta hanyar yadda ake gudanar da mu’amalar aure, ba wai saboda wata mace ta fi wata “asali” ba.
Muhimmin Ka’ida ta Ilimi
Jin dadin jima’i:
- ba na jiki kawai ba ne
- yana farawa ne daga kwakwalwa
- yana bukatar natsuwa, amincewa da soyayya
Saboda haka, duk macen da ake cewa “ba ta da dadi”, galibi matsalar:
- rashin fahimtar juna ce
- rashin sadarwa ce
- ko rashin kulawa da bangaren tunani da zuciya
Me Ke Sa A Ce Mace “Tana Da Dadi” A Ilimi?
1. Soyayya da Jin Amincewa
A ilimin zamantakewa, an tabbatar da cewa:
- jin dadi yana karuwa idan mutum yana tare da wanda yake kauna
- kwakwalwa ce ke fassara jin dadi fiye da jiki
Idan babu soyayya ko natsuwa a zuciya, jima’i yana iya zama aikin biyan bukata kawai, ba tare da armashi ba.
2. Yanayin Sha’awa (Readiness)
Sha’awa ba abu ne da ake tilastawa ba.
Idan bangarorin biyu:
- suna cikin yanayi daya
- suna da bukata a lokaci guda
to jin dadi yana karuwa. Wannan ka’ida ce ta ilimin halayyar dan Adam (psychology).
3. Tsafta da Kula da Kai
A bangaren lafiya:
- tsafta tana kara kwarin gwiwa
- tana rage rashin jin dadi
- tana taimakawa kwakwalwa ta amince da jiki
Rashin tsafta na rage sha’awa, ba wai saboda jiki ba, sai saboda sakon da kwakwalwa ke karba.
4. Fahimtar Abin da Abokin Zama Ke So
A ilimi ana kiran wannan sexual compatibility:
- koyo da fahimtar juna
- ba jin kunya wajen tambaya
- yin gyara a hankali
Wannan ba fasikanci ba ne, illa ginin aure mai dorewa.
5. Sakin Jiki da Kwanciyar Hankali
Tsoro, kunyace-kunya ko tunanin laifi:
- suna hana jiki amsa yadda ya kamata
- suna hana kwakwalwa sakin hormones na jin dadi
Sakin jiki a cikin aure halal ne kuma bangare ne na hakkin juna.
6. Canjin Yanayi da Gujewa Zama a Wuri Daya
Ilmi ya nuna cewa:
- maimaituwa iri daya na rage armashi
- sauya yanayi cikin halal na kara sha’awa
Ba wai kwaikwayo ko wuce gona da iri ba, sai dai gujewa kasala.
7. Sadarwa a Lokacin Mu’amala
Sadarwa:
- tana gyara kuskure nan take
- tana hana rashin fahimta
- tana kara kusanci
Wannan shi ne ginshikin aure mai lafiya.
8. Nuna Jin Daɗi (Emotional Feedback)
Nuna jin dadi:
- ba karya ba ne
- ba wasa ba ne
- hanya ce ta sanar da abokin zama abin da ke aiki
A ilimin aure, ana daukar hakan a matsayin positive reinforcement.
9. Halitta da Yanayin Jiki
Hakika halitta tana da tasiri, amma:
- ba ita kadai ke hukunci ba
- ba kowane namiji ke son abu daya ba
Don haka halitta tana taimakawa, amma ba ita ce ginshiki ba.
10. Gaskiya da Kaucewa Karya
Karya a wannan bangare:
- tana lalata amincewa
- tana haifar da ruɗani
- tana rage gamsuwa a gaba
Ilmi yana koyar da cewa gaskiya ita ce hanyar da ta fi dorewa.
Kammalawa Ta Ilimi
A takaice:
- duk mace na da damar bada jin dadi
- bambanci yana cikin ilimi, fahimta da mu’amala
- ba daidai ba ne a raina mace a ce “ba ta da dadi”
- abin da ya fi dacewa a ce: akwai abin da bai dace tsakaninmu ba
Wannan fahimta:
- tana kare mutuncin mata
- tana hana cin zarafi na lafazi
- tana taimakawa aure ya dore
